Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

Journal ~ Eating a way to end my life.

7:37am 7/11/2014

I have gained back 5 pounds a month for the last 4 months. My highest weight was 450ponds and I went all the way down to 290 pounds. But since I stoped burning myself regularly to coup with the worthlessness I feel I have been eating more and more.

I know my eating is more then a coping skill. I jusy don’t want it to be.

I just can’t get a break, I try. I push forward. I fight to do what’s right, But the shit keeps piling up.

●Can’t get a good job.  Beacuse I was to stupid to get help for my mental issues and thus became a piece of shit felon.
●No one cares if you change because do people really ever change?
●Job I have isn’t paying the bills.
●I wrote the rent check on the wrong account and caused 100 dolars worth of fees. Now I have 3 buck in my account till my next pay and not enought at all to pay the bills I need to pay.
●The car is breaking down.
●My house looks like shit and not even one room is completely finsished.
●I have nothing close to what I need in my propane account. And summer is half gone. So no heat for me this winter.
●All the agency that are there to help won’t because I am not worth t and they can tell.
●And I am just a failure in general.
●Its going on 9 years since my last relationship. Because women see me as my fuck up of a self.
●The get more freinds plan my therpist hached is failing.
●I want to die, I want to leave this hell whole. Which makea me feel like a piece of shit cause I would leave my daughter behind.
●I feel lije a failure to my daughter because I can’t do the things I want with here cause I am broke.
●the people in my head will not shut up. They are singing a masterpiece to all my lifes failure. Name one by one.
●I can’t trust the people I go to to help me. So basically I am to broken to be able to be fixed. Example I lied to the doctor today about how things ate because I know I can’t trust him.
●I am to stupid to spell.

Posted By: Mike G

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This entry was posted on July 11, 2014 by in Journal and tagged , , .
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