Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

Saphris / Latuda journal (week one)

2/22/2014:

Started the Saphrigs black cherry flavor today. (I am now on Latuda 160mg, Klonopin 1mg, and Saphris 10mgs)  It tastes not so good and numbs out my tongue for a few minutes. I hope which is dangerous that this helps. I did only take 5mgs today and will only take 5mgs for the next few days.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (5.0) | Bad thoughts, (4.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0.5) | Shadow People, (3.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (4.0) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (5.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (5.0) | Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (1.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (3.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (4.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (5.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (5.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (1.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (0)

===============

2/23/2013

My sleep patterns have been interrupted by having my daughter here for the weekend but it is so worth it. I love her more then anything including myself.

But these new meds are kind of weird with he whole dissolve on your tongue and make it numb thing. I have to keep trying maybe this will be the one that helps.

1:35pm – I have noticed a increase in my nervous ticks. I know this happens a lot when getting use to new drugs. So it may not be a drug thing but a me thing.

10:00pm – I want to call off work and it is not because I did not get enough sleep. I just don’t want to go out. I don’t want the voices to get worse. I smoked a little and that helped today. I miss that because it is the only thing that helps, but I only took one hit so it was on.ly for an hours or so. So it did not change the questions at all because over all it was a rough day. A day that makes me not want to have more days.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (5.0) | Bad thoughts, (4.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0.0) | Shadow People, (4) | Normal People that aren’t real, (5.0) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0)

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (5.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (5.0) | Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (1.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (3.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (4.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (5.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (5.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (3)

===============

2/24/2014 –

Work from midnight to 9amish, then dentist appointment for my daughter.

I need to call unemployment, welfare, the case manger I am trying to get ride of..

2:20am – engery level at work is not more or less then usual. Hunger level is about the same being I ate like a pig this weekend.

7:50am – Still not seeing less hallucinations, I know only day three but theres that destructive hope poping up. No more tired and about done with work so thats a plus.

11:20pm – No problem going to sleep or getting up. Other then that normal lazy feeling of wanting to sleep and not go to work. I only took half of the latuda and the full 10mgs of Saphris.

===============

2/25/2014
1:44am – Feeling depressed or down like low engery, not so much tired but just no engery. Maybe a new med feeling as my body gets use to it. I think this is going to be an early work day. Or just more rests. Idk yet. I need the hours / money.

3:43am – I really don’t like dealing with people and my brain is so easy to go to a negative ideas quickly. I hope these pills takes that away. And there is that nasty hope thing again. I wish my hope would get broken and not work cause nothing crush you like hope. Anyway not tried just down. I am going to take the full dosage of latuda this am maybe it helps my mood more then I want to credit it.

7:20am – Can say at this point four days in that this group of medications doesn’t take away from my engery. But hasn’t done anything else really. Still waiting. Still woundering if this is the right group. And if my insurance will cover it.

11:20pm – Woke up at 7pmish and ate diunner ran John to work then came home and laid in bed till 11:20pm. I just did not want to be awake, So much to do tomorrow so much I don’t want to do.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (5.0) | Bad thoughts, (5.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0.0) | Shadow People, (4.0) | Normal People that aren’t real, (5.0) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (4.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0)

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (5.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (5.0) | Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (1.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (3.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (4.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (5.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (5.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (3)

===============

2/26/2014

3:16am – Ate sheetz twice in the past 24hrs. It was so good and i am craving fried food sooooo bad and I really need to watch this I cant make habit or I will gain weight. And I sute here at 300 pounds so I can gain weight.

Still feel down like depressed. But engery to do my job is still there. My wanting to work is a different story.

Still pushing ahead with the plan God gave me. No matter how much I dont like it but helping John must be worth it for some reason. Yes it will help me also in some ways low my stress and increase in others.

11:11am – Learned a valuable lesson today. Will talk about it later but I can’t take the Saphris with out my Klonopin so basically everything all at once every day. I missed my therapist appointment because of this lesson. I was at her office but thought if I went in she would freak out because if I looked the way I felt I looked like a wreck. I just thought that I could take half of my Saphris on time at 10am and it would not matter. It did, from now on it is a better late then bad side effects.

Updated now that i have tried to sleep or did sleep cause it is 6:16pm. I just cant get over the fact that i was so tense. My back and neck muscles hurt right now from being so tight the whole ride home.
And the thought that I was a wreck, that I was drivibg bad, walk different. That everyone one could tell. The paranoia was soooo high. Thars why I missed my therpay appointment. The paranoia she would see me as a wreck and 302 me into the hospital. I also had trouble sitting still. If I wasnt moving I felt weird. Like at red lights on the way home.

I know know I have to take this before I sleep with mt anti anixity medication.

9:02pm – Feel better but still so alone.

===============

2/27/2014

3:27am – Nothing really to say past what happened yesterday.

I am depressed.
I have engery to work but not at 100%.
I feel really lonely.
I have urges to self injure.
I still feel like death is the only thing that will fix me.

===============

3/28/2014
1am – still and getting worse depression. That is all I have to report.

2:30am – I have today lost my engery or willingness to do my work. I just dont care. God help me.

7:32am – feeling a little better the earlier but still having trouble caring or finding the want.

12:05pm – just took my frist 20mg dosage. We will see if this works. Night night time

===============

Posted By: Mike G

Contact Email: MikesAnubis@gmail.com  or   Go to Home Page  or    About Me & This Site

         

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This entry was posted on February 28, 2014 by in Journal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , .
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