Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

12/14/13 (journal)

9:30a
At eat n park after picking up my daughter. I feel that med high feeling but i am pushing through it.

********
9:50a
So my daughter just starts crying in eat n park, no reason I can find. And then the people in my head jump on me. And the thoughts of my ex questioning lilly and her say something my ex disapproves of and stoping my visits.
I hate the people in my head more sometimes then others.

*******
12:45a
I just got done decorating my tress for christmas.
image
I only did it because of my daugher. I also bought her a dress

Still feel like crap, meaning depressed and wanting to self harm, cause of the people in my head relentless beating of how bad a father I am. She seems happy now but idk.
*********
3:00pm

Making chocolate chip cookies with lilly.
image

They where good =)

*********
5:30

No engery, tired, and numb. I love having lilly, even thou it is stressful. I feel like I do everything wrong with her. Like she will relize one day how broken I am and not want to love me.

**********
7:32pm
Still feeling down, but acting like I am good.

Would friends even help? I don’t think I can give trust anymore. Professional or not it seems a losing battle. Everyone walks away at some point. For most it is when the relationship stops offering more then the risk of keeping it. And seem to be a big risk for everyone.

I might have a house guest for a while or maybe not. I have not offered yet. And I am going to offer because I have walk the path she is on and it sucks.

I also decied to apply for unemployment againts my last job. They will fight it.
***********

 

Posted By: Mike G
Contact Email: MikesAnubis@gmail.com
About me & this Site

 My Mental Issues

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This entry was posted on December 14, 2013 by in Journal, lilly things and tagged , , .
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