Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

11/15/13 (journal) Updated

So I woke up early but after walking around with nothing to do I just smoked a pipe pooed a pill and went back to bed/took a nap. I thrn got back out of bed around noon when my case manager called. I was kind of grumoy with here cause I was sleepy. That was wrong 😦

But once I got up I made the day count some. I went to a job interview and that sucks emotionally. I hate outting myself into things in which I can be rejected.  So that not being enought I went credit union. Knew they where going to say no because I didn’t meet their criteria. And just like a switch I went into con man mode and tqlked my way into an acciunt there. It was scary how easy it was.

Then I talked to some nameless person for a while on the phone abiut things going on.

image

Then I went to my therpy appointment. Did not want to but did because I need to. We walked about my si manly. And someone will be happy about that, but it was a long chat with me saying idk more then I should. Then she came with me to med express and got my burns checked out. I was unprepared for coming here. Unlike with the doctor I left naked and vulnerably unready for what might happen. I still have thnga inside I am not going to put in here about this. I am still shaken inside, I wish I had someone real to share these things with. But who would stay to listen to this amount of madness.

This day has been rought and may only stay bad.

——-
9:44pm
Not sure but feeling very lonely right now. Feeling left behind by something. Walking around walmart sucked because it seemed that everyine in there was with someone. My therpist adked wha my plans where for this weekend and I lied to her. All I have planed is laying in bed, smoking while in bed, and sleeping in said bed. And I know that will not change because I have no one to do anything with.

Empty as a broken cup, unable to fill myself because of the break.

——-

11:29p

I keep seeing the look of confusion on the doctors face and how the words she was saying looked out of place.  How she talked to my therapist in a way that made me feel like I should not have even been there. I hate talking or showing people that don’t know fist hand. they just don’t get it, they just judge. They just act like the people in my head and I don’t need that in the real world.  All I kept thinking was she does not get it. I felt so tiny in that room. I felt so many bs things. What happened to my balls. I know the Sargent would be pissed if he seen the bitch I have become.  I need to start hunting again.I have been thinking of that so much lately.

Advertisements

Tell me what you think

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on November 15, 2013 by in Journal and tagged , , , , .
%d bloggers like this: