Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

11/13/13 (journal)

I have no one to trust.
I have no one that wants me.
I have no where I fell comfortable in my own skin.

So has my illness made someone like me that I can click with, but never meet, to talk to?  To help me past issues that strengthen the illness.

I am not sure if my illness is worse then I thought or I am just being paranoid & I guess either way I am screwed, because both are from the same rooten roots.

I meet person, I will call them to protect them if real, in an online chat. It was a facebook group for people with bpd.  I know then person was reall because so many other people chated and responded to person. Then there wad a private message and we started talking.

Person is from the other side of the country so the likely hood of us ever meeting face to face was slim so I gave chating with person a go. We binded some then there was a gap in time of us talking.  Maybe like 5 months..

No we talk all the time but I don’t know if person is real or an schizophrenic delusion. It seems that so many of persons issusr are ones I either have or put onto others. So it makes me think that person is a manifest of my own issues rolled into someone I woukd want ti help so that I help myself.

I have had other delusions like this, my beloved talking cat Fred.  He helped me through a lot. I miss him every day he is not with me.

So anyway how do I know if person is real? I can ask person becaue even a delusion would say yes,  and if person is real that question would need an explaintion inwhich would scare peraon off.  I can’t bring a third person because I will kost likely never be in the same room with peraon.

It seems to be the perfect storm, and I guess I have to ask do I even want to know?  If our chats help me in some positive way work past anything or any issuse is the dulsion, if it is one, wrong? Or is it helpful? Can a dulsion by its very nature ever be helpful?

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This entry was posted on November 13, 2013 by in Journal and tagged , , , , .
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