Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

4th Week of My experience with Latuda ~ Journal 4.11.2012 to 4.17.2012

April 11th 2012 – Woke up at 6:45am  I have my Wednesday therapy appointment and have to walk down to my new bank.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.0) | Bad thoughts, (5.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0.0) | Shadow People, (2.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (3.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (4.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (4.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (1.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (3.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (4.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.5)| Thought of your a screw up or failure (4.5)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (1.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (3.5)

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April 12th 2012 – Woke up at 6:45ish. Had trouble falling asleep last night racing thought. Did not work out did not go outside, did watch a movie, RED, which was good and lifted my spirits as they say. Went to bed around 9:30

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (3.5) | Bad thoughts, (4.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0.0) | Shadow People, (0.0) | Normal People that aren’t real, (0.0) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (4.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (3.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (1.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (3.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (4.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.5)| Thought of your a screw up or failure (4.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (1.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) ()

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April 13th 2012 – Woke up at around 6:40ish, had weird dream about zombies I don’t even like zombie movies.  Over ate again this Friday.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (3.0) | Bad thoughts, (4.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0.5) | Shadow People, (1.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (0.0) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (3.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (3.0)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (1.0) | Trouble concentrating on things (3.0) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (5.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.5)| Thought of your a screw up or failure (5.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (1.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (3.0)

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April 14th 2012 – Woke up at 8am forgot to set my alarm. Had more weird dreams, nothing I want to go into here.  Really wanted to walk up and see the dogs up for adoption, I did walk up and spent no time with the two dogs they had there.  To many people around them but did get some great info on fish.  Thinking about starting my tank this Friday coming up.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.0) | Bad thoughts, (2.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0.0) | Shadow People, (2.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (2.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (3.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (1.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (1.0) | Trouble concentrating on things (2.0) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (2.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.5)| Thought of your a screw up or failure (4.5)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (1.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (3.5)

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April 15th 2012 –  Forgot to log because all the crazyness on the 16th.

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April 16th 2012 – Well the craziness of today killed me, I was fin till I called Westmoreland county Transit and they said that to see my therapist I had to be picked up at my home at 8am and then picked up at the therapist office at 4pm.  Which meant that I had to spend 8 hrs out there in here parking lot doing nothing. And that freaked me out bad.  And I called a lot of people MY case manager, my UPMC for u case manager, my therpist, Congress women Kim Ward, I also ate most of a extra large pizza.

My case manager was the most helpfully, the UPMC Case manger called others and got there side of the story and info that did not match or that they did not give me and basically called me lair. Like these Government people are going to tell me the whole truth.

Congress women Kim Ward’s office only wanted to dis prove that this was because of her cuts to medical transportation program and to be able to blame it on someone else offering me no real help.

Adding Wanting to harm or kill someone else & Self-injury

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (5.0) | Bad thoughts, (5.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (3.5) | Shadow People, (1.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (3.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (5.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (5.0) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (5.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (5.0)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (2.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (5.0) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (5.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (5.0)| Thought of your a screw up or failure (5.0) | Wanting to harm or kill someone else (3.5)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (2.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (3.5)

Self-injury (yes or No) Yes

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April 17th 2012 – My alarm went off at 6:30am I went back to sleep till 8am.  I still feel really down. And I have to call transportation again today to set up my new times and day with my therapist. My therapist is not going to be happy that I am taking therapy back to one day a week because that means I will only get out of the house one day a week. So today is my therapy appointment for this week so that means Friday I will have to go shopping, so outside twice this week.

Today was as good as day as count be expected.  Did not go outside but did work out for about 50min on the bike.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.0) | Bad thoughts, (4.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (1.5) | Shadow People, (0.0) | Normal People that aren’t real, (0.0) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (4.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (5.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (4.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (2.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (4.0) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (3.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.5)| Thought of your a screw up or failure (5.0) | Wanting to harm or kill someone else (0.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (0.0)

Self-injury (yes or No) No

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This entry was posted on April 18, 2012 by in Journal and tagged , , , .
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