Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

My experience with Latuda Week April 4th to April 10th

April 4th 2012 – Woke up at 7:30ish, and didn’t get to sleep till after 11pm.  So happy about that one.  Had my therapist appointment walked for about 20 min before and after but my back is in pain today for some reason.  But went to bed at 9pm. I have noticed that the days I work out that I am tired right after I take the pill.  And I did 40=min of walking yesterday.  And today I plan on working out again so we will see.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.0) | Bad thoughts, (3.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (.5) | Shadow People, (2.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (3.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (2.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (2.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (3.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (3.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (2.0) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (1.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (3.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (2.5)

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April 5th 2012 – Woke up at 7:15 after going to sleep at at like 9pm-ish so 10-ish hours of sleep.  Feel kind of sleepy like I want to go back to sleep.

Sorry for got to do this on thrusday and other then being in pain and trying to work out nothing happened.

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April 6th 2012 – Standard Friday stuff expect I have to take taxi everywhere so more waiting out in the open.  Took meds at around *pm went to bed at about 10pm-ish  I took more then normal anti anxiety medications and the nerves tick was more manageable.

I kept on thinking I was the taxi and I didn’t.

Ate to much candy bars that I bought for the one a day thing I am trying. Still need more food will power!

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.5) | Bad thoughts, (4.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0) | Shadow People, (3.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (4.0) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.0) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (3.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (3.0)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (2.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (2.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (4.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (4.5)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3.5)

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April 7th 2012 – Woke up at 7am.  Went and opened new back account to hopefully make thing easier. It was hard in the bank I kept thinking I was seeing people walking around but there must not have been.  But its and old bank. Going outside was hard but less effort then a usual non- Wednesday/Friday.  Passed outside waiting for mailman to ask question for like 5 minuets.   Worked out and followed my diet but was only off by a lot of candy. Which came in play when my pc was not acting right. Had pizza for dinner and was able to save on piece, hoping tomorrows diet goes well going to families for east dinner.  took meds late at 8:45pm-ish went to bed around 11ish.  But I did get the letters done for the Dev. dog project.

Adding easiness to leave the house.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (3.5) | Bad thoughts, (4.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0) | Shadow People, (3.0) | Normal People that aren’t real, (3.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (3.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (3.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (2.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (3.0) | Trouble concentrating on things (2.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (5.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (4.5)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (4.0)

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April 8th 2012 – Slept through my 7am alarm and got up at 8:15am

Well went to families house for Easter visit, which meant I got out side and walked there.  The walking was hard work all up hill. and being there I felt out of place like I did not belong.  I mean everyone seemed nice to me and happy to see me but I can’t explain it. They even wanted me to stay longer and offered to ride me home if I did.  After that I feel really tired and just have no mental energy to do anything.

Took pill at 8pm. Hopefully to bed sooner then later.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.5) | Bad thoughts, (4.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0) | Shadow People, (0) | Normal People that aren’t real, (4.0) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (4.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (3.0) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (4.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (5.0)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (0) | Trouble concentrating on things (4.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (5.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (4.5)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (2.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (3.5)

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April 9th 2012 –  Went to bed around 9pm fot up at around 6am.  My back doesn’t hurt like I thought it would.  Nothing planed today but I want to try to get out in side today, maybe go to a friends house or for a walk. – Am Report.

Did not get out but did 20 min on bike, got depressed by ty show posted this in a groups

arant – a trigger – something I had to get off my chest. I am all right just had to type and share before I decide to shove it back down deep. You know trust issues and not trusting………………….……………………………………………… I was watching tv something I don’t normialy do because I dislike tv. But I burned myself out on thinking for the day, so it was either go to sleep at 7pm or tv. This show was on they where talking about life and it was in three year intervals and it made me think what my life was like this time 2009 and I have to say that that really depressed me. My life has gone so far down hill since then. And shows no signs of getting better in the next threes. In the last 20 years of life I have hurt myself in every way possible that the hole no matter how hard I try I don’t have enough life left to dig myself out of. I have a long criminal history from trying to survive on my own from the age of 13 on and off the streets. I have an even longer mental health history and with out these stupid pills I can’t even tell reality from the fiction my mind makes up. I can’t work because of the mental illness and if I could I can’t get any better of a job then flipping burgers. I don’t want a family because the studies say i will repeat my own past of abuse and molestation. So I walk this road alone. Alone in this bed that I have made. And worse of all I have this drive in me to get up every day and try to make something out of that day, and for what? So that in three years I can look back and see how the road has gotten darker.

Fell depressed, down just not happy. Burned out myself on thinking so that’s why I watched tv, after that TV moment I reorganized some of my blog moving pages to posts. PM-Update

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (5.0) | Bad thoughts, (5.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0) | Shadow People, (0) | Normal People that aren’t real, (2.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (3.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (4.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (5.0)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (0.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (4.0) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (2.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (5.0)| Thought of your a screw up or failure (5.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (2.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (0)

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April 10th 2012 – Woke up at 7:30am, had two dr apt one with my PCP and one with my eye Doctor.  The eye doctor wants me to wear glass, gave me a new prescription but once again I will not ware them because I don’t want my eyes to get worse.  My PCP is going to fill out the paper for my landlord for my service dog. I got 30 min of outside walking in walking to my appointments which where both in downtown Irwin.

I feel like I have no energy.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.0) | Bad thoughts, (4.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (0) | Shadow People, (2.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (3.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (2.5) |Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (5.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (5.0)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (0.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (4.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (5.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.5)| Thought of your a screw up or failure (4.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (2.5)

Easiness to leave the house (1-5 One being easy 5 being couldn’t) (2.5)


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This entry was posted on April 11, 2012 by in Journal and tagged , , , , .
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