Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

3.27.2012 to 4.3.2012 latuda journal

14 days on this new medication. So here is the 2nd week totals.

63 green or okay & 19 green where >.5

48 Orange or Caution

17 Red or Waring danger zone

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March 27th 2012 – Hard to believe that this is my first day of increasing to the 80-mgs.  Anyway Went to be around 11pm last night, did not wat to get up at 7am when my alarm went off but did anyway.  Well went to sleep somewhere around 10:30pm-ish and got up at 6:30 on my first alarm.  maybe that’s a better sign of something.  Once again I did not go out side but I did do about 40min on the exercise bike and lifted weights.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (3.0) | Bad thoughts, (4.0)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (1.5) | Shadow People, (1.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (2.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (4.0) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (2.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (2.0)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (2.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (2.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (3) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (2.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3)

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March 28th 2012 – Woke up at 6:30am. Did not get to sleep till 12am (midnight) my dad way of for being a Wednesday, key points are hurt my back on Tuesday and could not exercise.   Therapy went ok, and Google Chrome pissed me off by making Office 2010 not work right, which is why I was up till 12am.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (3.5) | Bad thoughts, (3.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (1.0) | Shadow People, (1.0) | Normal People that aren’t real, (2.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (2.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (3.0) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (3.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (2.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (2.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (2.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (1.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (3.5) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (2.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (2.5)

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March 29th 2012 – Woke up at 6:!5am and used my back pain as an  excuse to go back to sleep.  So I slept till like 8:45am. I did wake up once at about 3am because of a night mare / back pain.

Well had a roll coaster day, I thought at one point that my blog was shut down and I lost everything. Click her for more info on that. I also just had in general a crappy day but went to bed on time, I also did not go outside and didn’t work out because of “giving” my back rest.

Also I ate my emotions because I did not want to self harm, the thoughts of a razor blade on my skin filled my head in a dominated way for about two hours.  But I did not self harm with a razor or pizza but I did eat spaghetti which was not the way I wanted to self harm using food. I wanted to order a large pizza and eat every last tasty bite of it. But I didn’t I made unhealthy spaghetti and only went over my carbs and that was by 45ish.

Also added a self injury to my list.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (5) | Bad thoughts, (5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (2.5) | Shadow People, (1.0) | Normal People that aren’t real, (0.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (4) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (4.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (3.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (3.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (4.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (4.5) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (5) | Self Injury thoughts (3.5) |

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (2.5)

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March 30th 2012 -Woke up early at 5:45 am to go get blood work done. See my thoughts on that here. Talked outside waiting for taxi watch a cop watch me walk for that 20 min, got a subway hoagie.  Went home and waited for taxi to therapy.  Then went shopping at 4 different stores.  Loges 111 minutes walking but did more then that.

Added feeling of being followed.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.5) | Bad thoughts, (3.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (1.5) | Shadow People, (2.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (3.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (4.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (4.5) | Feeling of being followed (3.0) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (4.0) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (2.0)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (1.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (2.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (3.5) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (3.0) | Self Injury thoughts (3.5)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (1.5)

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March 31st 2012 – Slow day, spent about 3 hours out of the house helping my room mate fix his car.  As usual he broke something he need and would not listen to anyone about not doing it.  He also took the lazy way out on everything.  No exercise expect the fixing the car, did not know how to log it so I didn’t.  I also had my weekly weight in you can read about it here.  But I am down to 273.0 Pounds.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.5) | Bad thoughts, (4)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (1.5) | Shadow People, (1) | Normal People that aren’t real, (.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (2.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (3.5) | Feeling of being followed (2.5) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (4.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (2.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (2.5) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (3.5) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (4) | Self Injury thoughts (3.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (2)

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April 1sy 2012 – Well this Sunday I did not leave the house but did work out.  Just had a lazy day and did not do much or talk to anyone.  Meds: Took medications at 6:30ish and they knocked me out by 9pm.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (4.0) | Bad thoughts, (2.5)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (.5) | Shadow People, (1.5) | Normal People that aren’t real, (.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (3.0) | Knocking on walls or doors (3.5) | Feeling of being followed (0.5) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (3.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (3.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (1.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (2.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (3.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (3.0) | Self Injury thoughts (3.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3.5)

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April 2nd 2012 – Woke up at 5:45am then laid back down till 6:20am.  Just didn’t feel like getting up. Same story did not go outside did not exercise.  Did make some need calls and started to look for new house to rent.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (3.5) | Bad thoughts, (3)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (.5) | Shadow People, (1) | Normal People that aren’t real, (.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (2.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (3.5) | Feeling of being followed (0.5) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (3.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (3.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (1.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (2.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (3.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (3.0) | Self Injury thoughts (3.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3.5)

Only real side effect so I have seen other then sleepiness thus far is this nerves tick that i have to pop or crack  my jaw.

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April 3rd 2012 – Woke up at 6am was still really tired so I went back to deb at 6:30 and then woke up for the 2nd time at 8am, have to go see one house today and my case manager is coming over. Didn’t leave the house again, didn’t work out either.  Took medications at 8pm feel asleep something after 11pm, yes no more 9pm days.

Symptoms (1 -5 one being lowest): Voices, (3.0) | Bad thoughts, (3)| Feeling/Seeing bugs, (.5) | Shadow People, (1) | Normal People that aren’t real, (.5) | Other Visual Hallucinations, (2.5) | Knocking on walls or doors (3.5) | Feeling of being followed (0.5) | Cat Fred, (0) None:(

Feeling (1-5 One being none): Down, Depressed, Or hopeless (3.5) | Little Interest or pleasure in doing things (3.5)| Trouble failing asleep or sleeping to much (.5) | Trouble concentrating on things (1.5) | Poor appetite or wanting to/overeating or (2.0) | Thoughts you would be better off dead (3.0) | Thought of your a screw up or failure (3.0) | Self Injury thoughts (3.0)

Nightmares (1-5 One being not bad): (3.5)

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This entry was posted on April 4, 2012 by in Journal and tagged , , , .
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