Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

2/27/2012 10:42pm *Journal*

I cannot let go of the feeling that if was my fault.  I know logistically that as a child we have no control or choice over the abuse we suffer.  And I keep telling myself that it was not my fault. NOT MY FAULT.  But this inner dough still lays heavy on me like a lead blanket.

So many times, so many ways.  

To me, from me, and used by me.  

The only constant was me.  

Did I know better?  

Did I ask for it somehow?

The lead blanket of dough makes it hard to think and even harder to breath.

I don’t know if I can do this “Stage One Memories of your childhood, acknowledge what has happened”.  Because after anger comes guilt, and then the feeling that it was all my fault.  And I am not sure it wasn’t.

~ Mike G

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This entry was posted on February 27, 2012 by in Journal and tagged , .
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