Mike's Struggle

The Story From A Broken Mind

12.13.2011

It was a bad night last night, I am just so tired of eating and blowing my diet.  I ended up at rite aid looking for the healthiest junk food.  Right so you know my bran wasn’t working so well healthy junk food.  Well I bought and aet a bag of chips adding 50gm of fat and like 1000 calories to my day.  I felt like shit, I need to stop eating.

So I ended up cutting and burning myself. Because lets face it I eat so that I don’t self injury(SI).  So if I SI i should not need to eat as much food to fill that void.  Makes scene to me.

It is just easier to eat, not going to get put into the hospital if you eat a big bag of M&Ms just be fat and repulsive  to everyone around you.

But not being around people dose not bother me, I don’t get people, I don’t understand what they do or why.  I don’t get their needs and ways of doing things.  And when I do try to be around people it seems like I mess things up and that just invites the voices to hound on me for something else.  I have never been the one with low self esteem but when it comes to dealing and understanding people I feel like a fuck up.  And voice #5 never lets me live that down.

Anyway back to last night I was just so down about eating a whole bag of chips I started to play with a candle, well one thing let to another and

(Triggering) After this point (Triggering)

I only burnt a little and minor cuts I guess more like paper cuts then my usual deep cuts.  Was trying so hard not to to either

 

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This entry was posted on December 13, 2011 by in Journal and tagged , , , .
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